Additional questions & their answers:

I’ve tried self-compassion, but sometimes it feels like I’m just pretending, like I don’t really believe what I’m telling myself. Is that normal?"

(and a related question “Can you talk more about ‘the neurons that fire together wire together’ (neuroplasticity)?”)

It’s COMPLETELY normal for self-compassion to feel fake or forced at first. A lot of people feel like they’re just going through the motions when they start. But the cool thing is, there’s science behind why even 'faking it' works. This is due to neuroplasticity, which basically means our brains rewire based on what we repeatedly do.

Studies show that “happy” acts like smiling or laughing, when done in a neutral or negative mood, can lead to a genuine boost in one’s emotional state. The same goes for acts of self-compassion. When you practice kindness toward yourself, you activate parts of your brain related to emotional regulation and self-soothing. Over time, this strengthens those pathways, making compassion feel more natural.

I like to think of it like the old trolley tracks we still have on some roads here in Pittsburgh, even though the trolleys are long gone! When you drive on them, your car wheels tend to want to slip into the tracks, even though you aren’t, well, a trolley! When you practice self-compassion, you’re effectively laying down new, kinder tracks in your brain, so your thoughts will naturally start slipping into these grooves over time without much effort.

So even if it feels awkward now, the act of practicing is what counts. You’re training your brain to respond with more kindness, and eventually, it becomes second nature, I promise.

Can you please share a copy of the exercise at the end?

Yes! This exercise is just called “The Compassionate Friend.” Examples of it abound on the internet, both recordings and scripts! The specific script I used in the webinar, though, can be found here.